Want to improve? Learn how to lose.

One of my other hobbies other than playing table tennis is competitive gaming. Chess and RTS (real time strategy games) Think the board game RISK but on a computer game. Truth be told, I find it easier to squeeze in a quick video game vs finding a buddy and get table time in unfortunately.

I couldn’t help but notice a striking similarity between these things the other day and it is the inspiration of the title of this blog post.

What do they have on common? People are competing vs one other. We’ve all been there. There is nothing better than being challenged and coming out on top. It’s the highest of highs. Conversely, few things at times seem worse when you’ve given your best and you fall short. It’s the lowest of lows.

In the competitive gaming word, there’s even a thing called Ladder Anxiety. The phenomena is explained here in this video below.

Basically it’s the anxiety once feels when they’re queued up to find a match and they’ve found someone and the match is loading. It’s Mano-a-mano. Their hands start sweating, they’re nerves start rushing. Quite simply, they’re afraid. Afraid of losing. Perhaps it’s human nature but this fear can often outweighs the thrill of victory.

Interestingly, in the competitive gaming world, often team based games are more popular than the ones where it’s 1v1. When I think about our table tennis club that meets weekly, I would say the vast majority of it is doubles play compared to singles. I’m guilty of this myself. When I think about how I feel when I play doubles compared to how I feel when I play singles, it’s night & day difference. Why is that? That’s because when you lose in a team based environment, the negative self in us can shoulder the blame with another person. It’s how we justify it in our minds. But when it’s singles? There’s nowhere to hide. It’s all on you.

Sound familiar at all in regards to table tennis?

I have a buddy who I hit with at work once a week over lunch. He refuses to play a singles match. He only wants to hit... Quite simply, he's afraid to lose. Ladder anxiety.

I sometimes think for some players who are so blindingly confident in their game, warranted or not, are lucky. They always think they are going to win so they are confident & free. If you are one of those people, congratulations. Please stop reading now.

However, if you are like, what I can only assume the rest of us, what would really help your game? Learn how to lose. That’s right. Stop being afraid to lose.

I’m going to let the cat out of the bag here but your self-worth isn’t wrapped up in your table tennis game. It’s not wrapped up in your ranking in Star Craft 2 (which is a popular video game featured in the video above). Truth of the matter is probably nobody cares as much as where you are in your chosen competitive hobby as you do. Actually, check that. I can almost guarantee that. As a Christian myself, my self worth is wrapped up in my relationship with God. This is not said to sound self righteous. Trust me with my faults, I’m the last one who could feel that way. The point was made in transparency & with the hope that whatever it is for you, you would realize there are bigger picture things more important in life than table tennis or said game. That's all they are... Games. Perhaps it’s your time with your family? It could be a number of things.

Imagine if you got to a point of going into matches where you obviously wanted to win, tried your best to win but wouldn’t be crushed psychologically if you lost. Imagine if after a tough loss the only thought in your head was “well shoot. I’ll get him next time." and you truly felt that way. Nothing more. Nothing less. Would you then play more singles matches? Imagine if you played countless singles matches over & over against people who are better at table tennis than you. Note I did not say better than you. I said better at X game than you. That’s all we’re doing here. Playing games. How much better at said game would you get over the span of a few months? If you do not play a lot of singles matches now, I dare say you’d transform into a completely different player over that time.

"I lost? No biggie."

So I will wrap it up there. Want to improve? Want to get better? Want to finally beat that person who has had your number for a long time? (Psst. Psychological tip here. Table tennis is a spectrum. That guy who you desperately want to beat has another player he desperately wants to beat. We’re all somewhere in the middle) Then keep playing him. Keep losing to him. Learn how to accept it. Do not assign any type of self-value in your wins or losses. Try to improve and just focus on closing the gap. If you can let go of that ladder anxiety & learn how to lose, you might be surprised by the results.